drawing: “no good, no bad, no judgement”

Below — pages from my 2023 sketchbook. I began this on a road trip last June to the Oregon coast. In years previous when we made that trip (the last being in 2017) I didn’t draw much, if at all. Rather, I was still on [READ: addicted to] social media, so I spent more time looking at my phone than looking out the window. And when I was looking out the window, I was hardly present, for the phone kept pulling at me. I’d put it down then a few minutes later pick it up again. On and on for 3000 miles — there and back again.

This trip was entirely different. I wasn’t distracted. I was present, yet also pleasantly engaged in applying pen to paper.

There’s something about the act of drawing that quiets one part of my brain yet opens up another. Though my eyes and hand are engaged in noticing, there’s space for conversation, for listening. Plus it’s just really calming. Kind of like knitting is.

This reminds me when few years ago a friend of mine was under a lot of stress. He had a tremendous amount of responsibility in his job, which required him to live away from his family for much of the year. Even in his “off” time, his mind was preoccupied with work.

Then, one day while attending a business conference, a presenter handed out notepads and pencils and had everyone draw. I don’t remember the exercise they did, or the presenter’s goal (though I can guess), but the act of drawing opened up something in my friend, and likely the other participants as well. Later that day, as my friend took a break outside, he pulled out his notepad and pen and began to draw. This is someone who, by his own assessment, had “zero artistic ability,” and hadn’t drawn since elementary school some 30 years previous. Yet here he was in his stiff business attire, completely transfixed by the act of drawing. His stress, he told me later, seemed to melt away as he focused on drawing. He didn’t care if the drawing was “good” or “bad,” he simply enjoyed how the act of drawing made him feel. Indeed, it made him feel so good that he just wanted to keep drawing — and he did. For a while, at least.

Eventually his job moved him away and we lost touch. I don’t know if he still draws. I hope so. I hope he’s filled pages and pages with little doodles and observations. For if he has, then chances are good that he’s also released a whole lot of stress in those pages. And found some presence as well. Plus he’d have a sweet little diary of drawings to reflect back upon.

I love what Natalie Goldberg has to say about drawing:

But let’s get back to this feeling that you can’t draw. Don’t pay attention to your feeling. It’s giving you the wrong information. Pick up a pen or a pencil — nothing fancy — and an ordinary piece of paper, even a sheet from your printer, and draw what’s in front of you.
Go ahead. The coffee in the cup with steam coming up at you, the spoon, the saucer. Draw the raisins, the blueberries, in your muffin.
Color them in with your pen. Sketch the edge of the table, the napkin.

As you draw you might hear your mind thinking. Maybe you wish you had a cupcake, piled high with icing and jelly beans? Go ahead, draw that on the other side of the coffee cup. No one says you have to absolutely stay with the concrete — you get to capture your desires a little, too. Let’s be honest: The cup you drew isn’t a perfect circle anyway. Thank the heavens it’s a bit lopsided. It has character. This isn’t photography. And you’ve probably heard the rule: No erasing, no tearing up the paper. Accept the way it comes out. If you practice this acceptance, more will come out. Space and freedom will open up. You won’t edit and crimp yourself even before you begin to explore.

Let’s do another. Turn your head to the left. A lamp, a clock, a box of tissues on a wood table. Go ahead, draw them. I bet you’ll have fun sketching the numbers on the clock. Can’t fit all twelve? So what, don’t worry about it. We already know a proper clock. This one is yours. Give no thought about it being perfect. This practice is not only enjoyable, it can also calm the mind by meeting what’s in front of you with no interference. No good or bad, no judgment, no editor.

~ Natalie Goldberg, Living Color: Painting, Writing, and the Bones of Seeing

The way I began these drawings was first to sketch a random rectangle on the page. Then I’d look out the window and wait for something to catch my eye. When something spoke to me, I’d draw it in the rectangle.

Filling a page with several little drawings is less daunting and time-consuming than filling the page with one large drawing. Kind of like writing a haiku rather than a several-stanza poem. (Though of course one can labor over a haiku for ages trying to get it ‘just right’). These little drawings aren’t about perfection. They’re about noticing and noting the world around me in a quick little sketch. Plus a bunch of little drawings is just kind of delightful (there’s that word again).

I go through phases with drawing. Some years I fill several sketchbooks; other years maybe only one. But I always — always — carry a notebook and pen with me. And just in case I ever find I’ve left home without my notebook, I keep a little “emergency” one in the car:

The thought of being without paper and pen to draw and write with is unbearable.

The search for the ideal notebook is a lifelong quest. My ideal notebook is small enough to fit into a small handbag, but large enough so there’s enough space on the page to write and draw freely without feeling cramped. Unruled is essential. Bonus points for an inner cover pocket, a cloth ribbon bookmark, and an attached elastic band for keeping it closed.

Thinking I might want to do some watercolors in addition to drawing and journaling, for my 2023 notebook I chose the 5-½”x 8-½” Strathmore Hardbound 400 Art Journal.This has heavy, textured paper, perfectly suited for watercolors. In fact it’s the best watercolor notebook I’ve found; the page takes watercolor beautifully. However I ended up doing hardly any watercolors in this notebook, so the rigid pages and texture were a bit wasted on my scratches and scribbles.

Other past favorites include the 6” x 9” Bee Paper Super Deluxe Mixed Media Sketchbook. The paper has a slight tooth (texture) and is a fairly sturdy medium weight — not too heavy, not too thin, and takes pen well and watercolor okay. The main downside is that the spiral binding is bulky, which is why, after several years, I eventually found something else.
The 8-¼” x 5-½” Hand Book Journal, is another good notebook with all the bonuses I love (bookmark, elastic, inner pocket). The paper is similar to the Bee Paper sketchbook, and it’s cool that they come in different sizes and colors. (My car sketchbook is a small one.)

And yet….( ~ blissful sigh ~ )… Moleskine perpetually entices me. A couple of decades ago Moleskine literally wrote the book — or rather made the book — on how to create a dream of a useful notebook, and was the first to include all the brilliant bonuses mentioned above. The most frustrating thing about Moleskine is simply deciding on which one, for the choices are countless and too often I’ve been like a child in a French pastry shop, standing in front of the display salivating. All the more reason I’m thrilled to find one that suits my needs so well. My current love affair is with the 4.5” x 6.9” Classic Hardcover Plain Notebook [CHPB] I like it so much that after a few pages into my first, I ordered four more (the CHPB is hard to find locally; in a town of creatives, I must not be the only fan). The paper is much thinner than what I’ve sought in the past — so not at all good for watercolor, but it’s fine for collage, which I’ve been doing more of lately anyway. (I’ve decided to keep a separate book with my watercolors, since I don’t do them that often). What I really love about the CHPB is the compact size, smoothness of the paper and how my pen glides across the page, whether writing or drawing — as I rediscovered just the other day:

Years ago I used to beat myself up for not drawing every day. “Real artists draw every day,” I’d think. Yeah, well that’s bullshit. But the truth is that whenever I do draw, I feel wonderful. Literally wonder-FULL. And calm. And creative. Keeping a little sketchbook and pen with me at all times invites the opportunity to draw. And to put down the damn phone.

---

Don’t draw because the world needs another drawing (it doesn’t). Don’t draw because it’s the most efficient (it’s not).

Draw because it connects your hand and your eye. Draw because it’s a way of engaging with the visual world. Draw because it fosters an intimacy with what you see — with your eyes and in your mind. Draw because it’s an extraordinary form of communication.

It’s not about line and tone and skill and beauty … as much as it is about you seeing more deeply and more clearly.

~ Steven St. Amant

---